Where have I been?

Where have you been Cyndi? Tell us that you're OK, then just drop off the face of the Earth? That's so not cool. What's wrong with you?

Truth is, I've been a little busy. Living.

I'm back at work full time, and I love it. I swear, all of my insecurities were completely unfounded. I work with the most supportive, understanding group of people on the planet. And yes, these are the same twenty-something men that I was working with before I got sick. Airmen are truly the best people. It's like I never left. Did I really think that people would think less of me just because I have considerably less hair? Like my brain somehow fell out with my hair. Men have short hair, and they are taken seriously, so why shouldn't I be? I was pretty deluded, and I have gotten over that. I've realized that they all have their own stuff to worry about, like getting to work on time and getting their training done, rather than to think about me and my problems. I am just their Sergeant, and that is all they care about. That I take care of their needs and lead them properly. Yeah, I was gone for a long time. I am back now, and it's all good. And I love my job.

I have been busy keeping the kids on their homework, doing laundry, cooking dinner, and working out. Ya know, everyday run of the mill stuff. But when you go for so long NOT being able to do those things, they feel pretty good. It was so easy to take my health for granted before I got sick. Now I know what a gift it is to just be able to get out of bed every day. Even if it means I have to get up at 0500 and drag my ass to the gym at 0600, then work a full day and do the household stuff afterwards. I am exhausted by the time I get into bed at night, but it's a satisfying exhaustion because I know I accomplished what I needed to do that day.

When my middle kid, Bear (11) was asked by his Grammy how Mom is, he replied "Mom is great, she's doing the dishes and everything!"

My being well means something different to everyone. To by kids, it means they are relieved of a lot of the chores they have had to do (some, not all). It means they get to go out with their friends again. And it means they don't have to worry about me so much. To my husband, it means he has help in taking care of the kids again, and he doesn't have to worry about me so much. To my parents and siblings, it means that I'll be around when they need me to be, and they don't have to worry about me so much. Noticing a common theme here?

I hate what I have had to put my family through this year. I just pray it is the last time they have to worry like that. I pray we never have to worry about anyone in the family like that ever.

I start school again tomorrow. Back to the grind. Maybe I can graduate next year? It's almost too much to home for. I am also studying for my promotion test I have to take in February. It will be my fourth time testing for Master Sergeant, and I HAVE to make it this year. I am getting left behind. Well, that's not true, because I made my last 2 stripes so fast that I am really just falling in with my normal group for my time in. But I want to be ahead, not right on track. The man I work for has been in the Air Force for one year longer than me, and is 4 years younger than me. Though I like him and he is good to work for, I really want his job. Badly. This has to be my year. I think I should have made the stripe this year, but I tested 2 weeks after I was diagnosed and my head was SO not in to it. I couldn't even read the questions, it was ridiculous. So I missed it by 40 points. 40 POINTS! I have to make it this year.

Hope you all are doing fine, the whole 2 people that read this blog anymore, including my Mom. Have a good week.