Snowy Saturday

Hello and happy Saturday. Once again, I have been snowed in all day. Once again, I spent a chunk of my day shoveling snow. I love North Dakota.

This week was all about stress. I worked 12 hour shifts all week while the base was under inspection. Once again, we worked out asses off getting ready to be inspected, and the inspection team completely ignored our shop. Kind of disappointing.

The funeral for my friend Regina was on Thursday. It was pretty sad, but beautiful. Regina was German, and someone sang Ave Maria in German. I never really considered German to be a pretty sounding language, but that song just was beautiful.

Last week my friend Barb was over and we were talking about her being accepted for the online Masters program at Norwich University. I was so happy for her, but I was also a little jealous. I can't help wondering how much closer I would be to graduating if I hadn't had to take a year off for chemo. I would probably be within a few months of being done. I guess I just need to get over it, but it feels like I have been in school forever. I started school in 2001. Yeah, nine years and I still have 11 classes to go. I can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel yet. I guess as long as I retire with a degree it's cool, right?

I am really studying so hard this year for my promotion test. I think I am driving my husband crazy because I am always squirreled away studying. But it is just so much material to review! 9 volumes in all. I really must make the stripe this year, because I really want my boss's job. He is driving me nuts. Let's just say he is not really a people person. I guess he is all about the numbers, whereas I am mostly about the people. Theoretically we should complement each other as co-leaders, but I think we just have totally different leadership styles. So hopefully when I get promoted I can take over the shop. On the other hand, it could trigger a new assignment, and that would be great too.

I am organizing a team for the Love Without Fear Walk-a thon on Feb 13th. It should be a good time, as the walkers are me and a few squadron ladies. It is to benefit the Domestic Violence Crisis center here in town. I think maybe it will help me get back in the workout groove.

I think this year is going to be a good one for us, so wish me luck.

Goodbye friend

I guess I'm blogging today because I really don't know what else to do with myself. I got a bit of bad news today and I don't yet know how to react.

My very good friend (and old boss) lost his wife this morning. Regina was in her early 40s and she had lung cancer. She had been battling it for 5 years.

I guess there comes a point in every adult's life when you realize how short life is, and your own mortality. I feel like I belong to an exclusive club that I never wanted to join. I am one of the lucky few who made it out alive.

Cancer has been so prominent in my life the last year or so, and I just seems like it is everywhere. It started in Aug 08 when my grandmother died. Then I got it myself in Feb 09. Last month my mother lost her best friend to pancreatic cancer, and my flight chief found out he has thyroid cancer. My husband lost his mother and an uncle to it. I lost my grandfather many years ago to melanoma (I think). We can't escape it.

I think that hearing about Regina's death this morning really just put a point on it. It made me think about how heartbreaking the disease is to so many people, and how lucky I am to be able to say it is behind me, and with luck and probability, it won't come back. Not many have that luxury.

My friend is now a widower. In the blink of an eye, from a husband and a step dad to a widower. He has devoted the last 5 years to taking care of his wife, and now she is gone. He says he feels empty and without purpose. They didn't have children together, and his stepdaughter will be going to live with her dad in FL (she's grown, like 22 or so). He has no idea what to do with himself. He thinks maybe he'll move to Chicago where his brothers are. I really feel pain for him. But for the grace of God. We worked together for 4 years, and I don't think anyone I worked with ever "got" me like he did. Yeah, he was my supervisor, but he was also a very good friend. After he retired we continued to be friends. He came to see me and called me often when I was sick. I guess Regina being sick too was a common thread. I wish I had gotten to know her better, but she was so ill she didn't come out too often.

I feel like I owe it to her and the others to take care of myself and live life to the fullest. To do the best that I can to stay healthy and fit, and be a good mom and wife. To do well in my career. They didn't get the chance to do that for as long as they wanted. Is this the survivor's guilt I have read about? Maybe. But it's how I feel. Maybe it will push me to be a stronger woman.

2009 Wrap Up

Sorry I have been absent the last few weeks, it's been a little busy around here.

Let's start where I left off, Thanksgiving?

It was pretty good...quiet. I love Thanksgiving, but it is a lot of work. It seems like it's just cook all day, get things ready, then eat for 20 minutes, and clean up. The family time is nice, though we didn't have any extended family this year. This is the first year in 5 years that my brother and his family weren't around. And I think I was a little sad.

So November came and went. Nothing really interesting to report there.

December was a little better. I had a PET scan that was clear (yay!). I passed my wretched Corporate Finance class. Work has been a little nuts and very busy, but in a good way.

Christmas was great, and the kids were all very happy. Santa was able to get the teenager (who recently turned 15! Yikes!) a new flat screen monitor for his computer, DSIs for the Bear and Babygirl, and miscellaneous other stuff. The DSI's were a good bargain because Santa was able to trade in their DS's for $40 each, and a lot of their old games. So we got one of the DSIs for free! Can you believe that? It was great, and we are big lovers of Game Stop. Wonderdad and I again did not get presents this year, but we are planning a few things to do with our tax refund, so it's OK.

New Years was quiet as always. We watched the guy break the world record for jumping a car. Then we toasted with sparkling apple cider and went to bed. I know, big party animals are we!

So some highlights and low lights of 2009:

Low lights-
- not a good year for me health wise, as most of you know. Enough said about that.
- missed making Master Sergeant by a mile, like 40 points. Of course my test was about a week after my diagnosis, so my heart really wasn't in it.
- Wonderdad had to quit his job at the hospital to take care of me, but he kept his job with the services squadron (Golf course and Bowling Ally). The schedule was easier for him, but I know he hated giving up the extra paycheck.
- A longtime friend of the family passed this year of cancer. Although we knew it was coming, it still was a hard blow, especially for my mother.
- The teenager decided he hates orchestra and the viola. But maybe that's a highlight, huh?
- Said goodbye to my brother and his family, who separated from the Air Force and moved to MN; some very good friends of ours who also separated and moved to SC; and several acquaintances. Thus is the Air Force way of life-loved ones come and go. In fact, Teenager's girlfriend of about 2 years is moving next week. His first heartbreak-very sad.

Highlights
- I totally found out who my real friends are and how much they and my family mean to me.
- It was hard and long, but I beat my illness and was able to get on with life, finally.
- I got to see my parents and my SIL, T after a long time. It was a great visit, and they all helped me out SO much when I really needed it.
- My youngest brother had a baby girl this year! Ella Grayce (what a sweet name!). I wish I could see her; she'll probably be walking at least before I get to hold her.
- I got to work a Half Marathon my squadron held on New Year's Eve. Just support and lap counting. It was fun to see my supervision and friends complete it.

Goals for 2010!
- Last year was my year to get healthy, this year will by Wonderdad's. He has had a bad back and side for about 2 years, and he needs to get it fixed. Last year he put it off because he didn't want both of us down at the same time. Now it's his turn.
- GET PROMOTED! I'm working on it, and I am studying my brains out. I test on Feb 16th. Wish me luck!
- Maintain 130 lbs. Maybe try for 125, I liked it better there.
- Pass my PT test in May.
- Maybe actually participate in the half Marathon next NYE?
- Switch my Major to Mgt/Health Care. I think this field will explode in the next 20 years, and I could make a good career out of it after I retire from the military. It only adds about 2 classes to by program. That puts me graduating sometime in 2012.
- Try to make up for the last year to my husband and kids. I know I was less than I should have been last year and they deserve better than that.
- Try to get orders to move the heck out of North Dakota! I'll write about our EPIC snowstorm in a later post!

Happy New Year everyone. Here's to a great 2010!

Another bulleted post. Yay.

Wow, what a busy week!

1. I was a total slave driver this week. I'll bet my NCO's hate me for making them work late almost every day this week, and staying on them every minute of the day. But this is what it takes to pass an inspection, especially at Minot AFB, where we are pretty much expected to fail. If my base fails next weeks inspection, it won't be because of my Trailer shop. That's guaranteed. These people worked their collective asses off, and they deserve a win. After it's over, I'm giving everyone a day off, and cooking them pancakes for breakfast.

2. One of my prospective Staff Sergeants will most likely lose his anticipated stripe for being habitually late for work. And that bites. But what can I do? He just never learns from his mistakes. For him, it means humiliation and losing the stripe and raise he worked hard to earn. For me, it means I'll be short one NCO and I'll have a guy in my shop who will be pissed off and bitter, which in turn makes him an apathetic supervisor. Not what I need.

3. Wonderdad is having to work evening shifts at the bowling alley this winter. I HATE this because he is always tired and we don't have much time together. But, it also means that I get to take the kids to do things after he goes to work. Tonight we went to a new Mexican restaurant. Hubby cannot eat Mexican because it tears his stomach up. Its kind of a sucky trade-off.

4. Babygirl is not doing too well in school. We had Parent teacher conferences this week, and were told that she has a behavior and attitude problem in class. Now we have to figure out how to fix it. She and the teenager are so much alike, and he always struggled in school to get his work done and stay on task. I really want her to improve, but I'm not sure how to get her to change without making it worse. Bear is doing very well, BTW, and is a model student according to his teacher. But then, we never had any problems with him or his behavior at school. Things just seem to come easy for him.

5. I, on the other hand, am doing AWFUL in school. I am taking a corporate finance class. And I suck at it. Right now I am averaging a 73%. And I don't think it will get much better. Next week is mid-term, and I am just hoping to eek out a D. With any luck, I'll at least get a C in the class and NOT have to pay the Air Force back for the term. Never mind that I am torpedoing my 3.7 GPA. I'm taking English next term. At least I know I can write.

6. My little (well, she is 34, that's little right?) sister doesn't know who Chris Daughtry is. Can you even imagine? It's criminal.

7. Mammogram results came back normal, like I expected. Thank you God. I have a PET scan in December, and I am nervous about it. But I am not going to let it bother me until I have something to worry about. I just want to work and feel good.

8. The guys in my shop have taken to calling me Mom lately. Could it be because I am now technically old enough to be the young Airman's mother, or because maybe I take care of them so well? I think I'll choose to believe it's because they revere me! Yeah right. The new Airman we got in last week was born in 1987. OMG.

9. I ran 5 minute intervals for 30 minutes on Monday. And I did 50 sit ups. And I rode the stationary bike for 15 minutes. And I haven't been able to walk right all week. I guess moderation is not my strong suit. Apparently I have to learn how to baby step myself back to fitness. I'm just too impatient.

10. Remember when I could actually write paragraphs and not bullets? What is up with this? I promise to try and knock this crap off and write for real. Even I am getting tired of it.

Off to try and enjoy my weekend, before I have to work 12 hour shifts for the following 6 days. See what I meant? SLAVE-DRIVER. Not like it's my idea. I want to wow these inspectors, then kick them the hell off my base. Time to get this off our backs. Wish us luck!

Perspective

Things at Military mom's house are mundane and decidedly normal. And that is awesome.

I love that I am back to bitching about messy rooms and how much the dog needs a bath, and not about me puking every 2 hours and my hair falling out.

I love that I have to get up at 0500 and go to work. I love my job. Even when it blows.

I love that I can finally run again, and that my muscles are extremely sore from exercise, and not the lack of it.

I love that I am behind on my schoolwork, because it means that I am finally in school again.

I love that I am dreading the winter. Last winter (after February at least) I didn't care if it snowed. I had nowhere to go anyway, but to the cancer clinic.

I love that I again care about what is going on in the world, instead of retreating to my own miserable bubble.

I love that my kids want to know when dinner is, not when I'm going to get up.

I love that I am 120 lbs now. But I hate what it took to get to this point.

I love that I am me again, although I look a little different. It's just hair, right?

I love that all I really have to complain about is my hair, and not my health.

It's all about perspective, and I choose to be positive. 2010 is going to ROCK!