My strategy was to try to get God on my side. Yes, the very same God that I tried to blame and doubted the existence of.
Maybe if I promised to eat only healthy food, He would let me be cured. Maybe if I promised to take my kids to church every week, or if I promised to be a better mom and wife. See, I was still thinking that I must have done something to make him mad.
I am, as it turns out, a terrible bargainer because I haven't been to church once in over 6 years, and of course I still eat junk sometimes. I have tried to be a better mom and wife, but I'm afraid I have fallen well short.
After a few days of lunacy I realized that God was not punishing me, and he could not be bribed or bargained with. It made me really sad, but I decided to just deal with reality and get on with the business of being sick. I slipped into the role of Cancer Patient with gusto and went to bed. And I stayed there for a long time.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Bargaining (Part 3 of 5)
Posted by Military Mom at 10:51 PM
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2 comments:
I can't imagine what it must have been like for you. I am fairly sure I might have done the same thing in your shoes. I am so glad you are recovering in body mind and spirit! I miss my little girl...
You know, I went through the bargaining-with-God stage during my infertility, after cussing God for years regarding my condition. Heh.
I'm so very glad that you're opening up about what you went through, sharing it all with us. I love you, hon, and I'm so very happy that you're on the road to recovery!
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