Lesson Learned

Being the mother of a young teenager, I am starting to wonder what I have to look forward to. It has got me thinking about all the stupid things I did, and hoping I don't get payback. And I am really appreciating my mother a lot this week.

When I was 14 I thought I was such a bad-ass. There I was, with my teased mall hair and my denim jacket, smoking, and thinking I knew more than every adult I knew. I had such a bad attitude! I had a friend, whom I'll call B, that in my mind, was the queen bee. Isn't it funny how we used to put people up on pedestals back then? This girl was so cool that I thought just being her friend was a privilege (yeah, there were some esteem issues going on). She was into heavy metal, and had all of the guys eating out of the palm of her hand. And she picked me to be her best friend at the time! Wow.

One night we decided to get really brave and we asked a stoner friend of ours (who was a lot older, go figure) to buy a fifth of Jack for us, and we planned to drink it the following weekend. She was trying to impress me with her coolness, and I was trying to win her approval. I know, boneheaded reasoning. I practically lived at her house on the weekends, and it was just expected that I would be there. Her mother was super lenient and let us do whatever we wanted. Her father was a former soldier who had lost his leg, and was a workaholic and was never home.

On the night we planned, we had dinner, did a few shots, went to a movie, did a few shots, and finished at her house. I got so totally sh*tfaced drunk, it's a miracle I did not get alcohol poisoning, seriously. I cannot remember a thing after about 8:00, but I know I woke up the next day wishing I was dead, and I think I ruined the carpet in her bedroom. Her mother pretended not to notice there was anything amiss, and called my mom to come get me.

When my mother came to pick me up, she had arranged for me to go and babysit for my uncle in the next town over, who had 2 little boys. So he came to pick me up right after I got home. I told her I was sick and couldn't do it, but she insisted. Oh, and my uncle was a wine salesman. She also arranged for him to make about a million stops on the way to his house, including McDonalds, and the car wash.

When we got to his house, he said he and his wife would be out all day and I was to watch the kids, feed them lunch and dinner, clean the house, and put them to bed. So there I was with the worst hangover you could imagine, at the home of a man who had literally about 50 bottles of wine in his kitchen, with 2 very energetic little boys. It was the worst day I can remember in my life! I think I must have thrown up about a dozen times, and the headache! God the headache! And he even paid me the usual $20 for the babysitting job!

Here's the kicker. I later learned my uncle's neighbor had been told to keep an eye on the house (and me). My uncle and aunt were at my mother's house all day, and they were laughing at me! Why, because my mother knew before I ever went to B's house what we were planning. How? Because I was a stupid little girl who left a note from my friend in my jeans pocket a few days before. But did she stop me? Did she ground me? Did she talk to B's parents (OK, she probably should have done that)? No, she let me make my mistake and arranged for me to learn my lesson the hard way. We never discussed the matter at all until I was grown and married. And my Uncle has never mentioned it to this day. I cannot even smell Jack Daniels without remembering that hangover. That was the first, and last, time I had ever been drunk. Lesson learned. If I had been able to come home and sleep it off, I'm sure the impact wouldn't have stuck the way it did.

Oh, and my very good friend, B? Suddenly she didn't seem cool anymore, just kind of pathetic. I even felt angry with her because in my mind, she seemed to get away with it. I guess I kind of did too now that I think about it. Whatever happened to her? My very best friend that I worshipped so? I have no idea. We were friends for awhile, and then she just faded away. I heard she got pregnant in Sophmore year and switched schools. I haven't talked to her in about 20 years. I hope she is happy.

I hope when the time comes, I can be like my mother. I was such a pain in her rear, and I am so sorry for that. I put her through about 5 years of misery before I finally changed my attitude. She never gave up on my though, and I think she is proud of me now.

I find that me and my husband are a lot more protective of our kids than my mother was. I had a lot more freedom than my kids have, but I guess that is a sign of the times. The 80's were less messy I guess. While I don't want my son to have to go to extremes, I hope I am strong enough to let him make his mistakes, and learn his lessons.