Goodbye friend

I guess I'm blogging today because I really don't know what else to do with myself. I got a bit of bad news today and I don't yet know how to react.

My very good friend (and old boss) lost his wife this morning. Regina was in her early 40s and she had lung cancer. She had been battling it for 5 years.

I guess there comes a point in every adult's life when you realize how short life is, and your own mortality. I feel like I belong to an exclusive club that I never wanted to join. I am one of the lucky few who made it out alive.

Cancer has been so prominent in my life the last year or so, and I just seems like it is everywhere. It started in Aug 08 when my grandmother died. Then I got it myself in Feb 09. Last month my mother lost her best friend to pancreatic cancer, and my flight chief found out he has thyroid cancer. My husband lost his mother and an uncle to it. I lost my grandfather many years ago to melanoma (I think). We can't escape it.

I think that hearing about Regina's death this morning really just put a point on it. It made me think about how heartbreaking the disease is to so many people, and how lucky I am to be able to say it is behind me, and with luck and probability, it won't come back. Not many have that luxury.

My friend is now a widower. In the blink of an eye, from a husband and a step dad to a widower. He has devoted the last 5 years to taking care of his wife, and now she is gone. He says he feels empty and without purpose. They didn't have children together, and his stepdaughter will be going to live with her dad in FL (she's grown, like 22 or so). He has no idea what to do with himself. He thinks maybe he'll move to Chicago where his brothers are. I really feel pain for him. But for the grace of God. We worked together for 4 years, and I don't think anyone I worked with ever "got" me like he did. Yeah, he was my supervisor, but he was also a very good friend. After he retired we continued to be friends. He came to see me and called me often when I was sick. I guess Regina being sick too was a common thread. I wish I had gotten to know her better, but she was so ill she didn't come out too often.

I feel like I owe it to her and the others to take care of myself and live life to the fullest. To do the best that I can to stay healthy and fit, and be a good mom and wife. To do well in my career. They didn't get the chance to do that for as long as they wanted. Is this the survivor's guilt I have read about? Maybe. But it's how I feel. Maybe it will push me to be a stronger woman.