Sorry it's been such a long time since my last post. My brand new Dell laptop betrayed me and I am going to have to send it back to the factory. Can you believe that? Stupid Dell.
Things have been a little hairy for me since my mother left. It seems the chemo has been getting progressively worse, and the sickness has been lasting longer. I keep trying new medicines and none of them seem to work. The good news is that I got the results from my last scan and all of the active cancer cells are gone. The bad news is that I still have to continue with the rest of the chemotherapy, and that is 7 more treatments. God, the thought of going through this 7 more times just kills me. My whole summer is shot.
You know that medicinal smell that all hospitals have? My cancer center has an even worse smell, and it is very distinctive. The last few days I have not been able to get the smell out of my head, and it is nauseating. I smell it all the time, and I just can't get over it. I know it's all in my head, but it is grinding on my nerves.
I think I am really getting on my husband's nerves. The house is a wreck, and I am not very good at getting the kids to do their chores. He comes home yelling every night. I feel like I have just been a horrible wife and mother lately. I know that he understands when I don't feel well, but it just seems so much more frequent the last few weeks. I should be feeling better now that I know my treatments are working and I will be getting better, but it's hard to stay positive when you feel like crap every day. I feel like I live in my room, and it's depressing. I want to be up and doing things with my kids, and watching TV with my husband. The weather is finally good, and I can't enjoy it except through the window. I try to go to work as much as I can, but it is few and far between. Luckily I have great supervisors and a good commander.
Yesterday was Babygirl's 7th birthday. I think she enjoyed it, but her party isn't until next weekend. Hopefully I will be feeling good by next Saturday. She is going to have a sleepover. I owe her that at least. It's a mermaid extravaganza! She got 2 new mermaids for the tub, a Taylor Swift CD, a Hannah Montana CD, and a Taylor Swift doll that sings. Wonderdad had to do all the shopping for her, and he did a great job. Her Grammy sent her a babydoll that makes noises and a locket with her Grandparent's pictures in it. She LOVES that locket because it is such a grown up gift.
I'll try to make my next update sooner. Hope all of my friends in blogland are doing alright. Chat later!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Long time coming...
Posted by Military Mom at 7:09 PM
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10 comments:
I was shocked to have a bad experience with Dell, after having such great service from them for many years. I think they are too big for their britches now! It's a shame.
YAY for having all the active cancer cells gone! That's fabulous news. Hopefully you'll be able to find a medicine that will help you get through these last few treatments. I'm pulling for you!
Glad to see you posting again. I've been keeping up with it, and you've been in my thoughts. I wish I could offer some magical wisdom to make sense of it all, but alas, I am simply not that talented. All I can say is, just hang in there. You have tons of folks (me included) that are in your corner. And good luck with the B-day party. I suspect you'll need it. ;)
Babe, you are not getting on my nerves. I love you so much and I hate that you have to go through this. I am just trying to be there for you but not smother you through all of this hell you have to go through. Now the kids on the other hand are getting on my nerves. I do expect them to do what I ask when I ask it and they are playing us against one another that's all. Trust me I love and adore you and miss how we would spend time together. But I will wait for you until the end of time, I know you are beating this and I will be there through it and when its over and then we will be back together the way you remember but never question how I love you or if I love you because without you I am nothing. You are my life my love and my best friend.
I would have to say that I doubt very, very seriously that your dear hubby is frustrated with you. He is probably frustrated with the situation, with the fact that you're having to go through this.
I'm so glad you're still blogging when you feel like it and I know you'll make it through. :)
My dear friends, thank you so much for your kind words and your support. I wish I could snap my fingers and make this all go away, but I guess that's not going to happen.Hearing from all of you makes my day and lifts my spirits.
And Thanks Wonderdad, for you encouragement. I really don't think I could survive this without you. I love you.
Okay, so I'm new at this commenting thing and I'm not sure my other one posted. So, here we go again. YOU are such a strong, wonderful and amazing person and you are going through hell right now so whatever you are feeling - you go right ahead. I do have to agree with my brother about you getting through this and how much he absolutely loves you - and you make him so happy! I wish there was more I could do and hope that I can come up this summer to somehow try to make it easier on you if only for a week. Plus, it would be nice to see you guys. Take care of yourself - the chores will be there when this is all over (if only we could magically make them disappear!) Sending you LOT of LOVE from ATL.
Thanks T, we would LOVE for you to come up here for awhile, we all miss you so much. And I could use all the help I can get. The kids and Hubby do the best they can, but it all gets overwhelming sometimes I know. Take care of yourself and my little nieces! Love you!
I am so glad to see your treatments are working despite how awful they make you feel. You are a wonderful mom, and I know you will get through these 7 last treatments and feel all the stronger and triumphant for it.
The smell isn't in your head. A lot of chemos are preserved with the DMSO I told you about. It smells like creamed corn, or sour milk or garlic. It sticks with you. That is GREAT news that there are no more active cancer cells! Only seven more treatments then you're DONE! You will one day look back and think, "that was really hard, and it sucked. But it was mine, and I beat this, and now I know I can beat anything!" I love you! You are amazing!
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